I have decided to write a blog about my life. Consider this my journal. My thoughts and feelings about my surroundings. Do not confuse this blog as a selfish and thoughtless individual who think that the world revolves around him. Although it may sound like it, but it's just my thoughts and feelings about the world.
It has been more than three months since my break up. I have started back to ground zero, rebuilding everything around me. After almost three years of relationship, a poisonous relationship, I said to myself, "this has to stop!". Almost three years of abusive (physical, mental and emotional), I left, moved to a new place and build myself around me again.
I could have done that sooner, but I was trying to be positive about the relationship. I thought I could fix things, I thought I could change, I thought I could make things better. But all of that, was one sided.
I admit that my life now have been quite lonely. But, I am now in a happier place. I want to look back to those three years and say, "thank you for the precious lesson".
So this is the new me. Positive attitude me. Positive energy me. Positive thoughts me.
The previous paragraphs was last left as draft on the 25th September 2013. I couldn't even remember when was the last time I started writing this blog.
So where do we go from here? It is now middle of October and nothing that I had planned for the last few months went according to plan, all because I was busy procrastinating about what I am going to do with my life. It is getting tiring, this procrastinating. Why did I started to write again? Perhaps I want to break the cycle. This vicious procrastination cycle.
To come to think of it, the reasons, or should I say excuses for my procrastination was related to monetary terms. Since my break up, I have been relatively broke. Money was just enough or at least I had to borrow some money from friends, not more than a hundred and paid them back within a week. Even today, I had to borrow money from my neighbor. I didn't actually borrowed, but he offered to borrow it to me. I have some money tucked away on a different account but had to withdraw it via the book account. However, he offered money to borrow and if he decided to take it back, I could always visit the bank and withdraw some to pay him back. So it was okay.
Since February, before my break up, I have been sleeping on the floor. What happened to my bed? I gave it away under the pretext that my ex had slept with someone else on my bed. Or at least someone I didn't like and allowed that person to sleep on my bed. Eight months gone, and I am still sleeping on the floor with two thin matters to keep me comfort. The place I am staying have no air-conditioning and I sweat when I sleep most of the time. My bedtime prayer was always hoping that it rains so it can be tolerable.
I have cable TV about a month ago, so that made me much saner than I was, before, my best entertainment was the mobile phone. A 4.5 inch display to entertain me. Actually these are the things to where my money have gone. The first few months, I had to save money to buy myself a fridge and a washing machine. Bought stuff for my home bit by bit so that every month the house I am living in is habitable (such as ceiling fans and bills for my phone so that my data is not disconnected as I always finish up the free monthly data). But for the past few months, I had to pay the backlog overdue of the car that my ex was using to prevent the bank from taking it away. I took my car back because my sister needed help.
Here I now sit on the sofa that my late brother-in-law bought for his new house, which my sister had decided to keep at my house. Watching TV in the background, which is borrowed by my sister, and cable TV which I bought from my savings. I have yet a long way to go. Next to me, is a fan borrowed by my sister as well. Only this month did I manage to cough up some money to install Wi-Fi at my house so that I don't need to depend on the limited data my phone could supply me. And with that increasing my monthly payments, although I have made some calculations by reducing my mobile phone data connection fees, so I could afford the Wi-Fi.
So relatively it keeps me occupied. It keeps me tied to my home so I don't have the need to go out which inevitably make me spend money unnecessarily. I am hoping that the discomfort (usually because the house is too hot) will end soon as I have saved up enough money to buy myself an air conditioner by this month's payday.
I hope that gives you a picture of how (horrible) my life is at the moment.
However, I feel like things are going to change better soon. I am hopeful. Hope is the only thing that keeps us alive or at the very least sane. Until then, we meet again....
